Dealing with teen agers can be a very trying and difficult time. Since I am the
father of two daughters, I have been there and am now watching as my oldest grandchild
is entering his teen years. There are a number of self help books that are available
for parental guidance with some of the best in my opinion being by Dr. James Dobson.
I don't think you could go wrong by reading and following his guidance.
Disclaimer: The author does NOT hold a college degree in psychology
or other human sciences fields[holds a BA in Mathematics] but is a father of 2 grown
daughters. Through his experience of watching human behavior in industry and
questioning the events in the life of his daughters and other youth that he has been
involved with, the material is solely his view and
opinion and has not been reviewed by any behavioral scientist. The views should be
evaluated by each parent and tested under their scrutiny as to their validity. Every
teen ager is different and one shoe doesn't fit all.
It is said in life there are 3 categories of things that we live with. First,
there are the things that we know and that we know we know. Secondly, there are the
things that we don't know and know that we don't know. For those, you can go to the
library or find a professional for counseling. Thirdly, there is the category of
things that you don't know and don't know that you don't know. The third category
is the dangerous one since you aren't even aware that it exists.
I suspect that many parents, as I was, tried to copy with our children what
worked on you as teen agers and try to avoid the mistakes that your parents made
with you. Times are very different now than when we were teens with the advance in
technology and the temptations that are much larger. But
at the same time, much has remained the same.
Many of the baby boomer generation have been raised to believe that if you go
to school, go on to the right college, make good grades, get a good job, marry right,
and attend the right church, that life is going to be a picnic. This is most likely
as far from the truth as it can get. I believe there are a number of truths that
every teen and parent should know.
Without going into these truths, there is one discussion that I believe every
parent and teen ager should have. When my youngest daughter was a senior in high
school, I asked her the question "What do you think I owe you in life?" She seemed
rather startled by my question and wanted to know what I thought the answer
should be. If you have this discussion with your teen, have them write their
answer down and then you do the same. Then compare and see how they match up.
Your answer may not match what I told my daughter, but I believe I have the
correct one. The really important thing in this discussion is that the answers
should be close and align before the discussion is over.
I had one other rule that I imposed upon myself when dealing with my daughters
during their teenage years. I never threatened them--I always made them promises.
The difference between a threat and a promise is that you may not carry through
with a threat, but you ALWAYS come through on a promise.
If you would be interested in the presentation on the "Truths that every teen
(and parent) should know", contact me for details. It is best suited for a
Christian church group and should have both the teens and parents in attendance.
Good luck with your teenager. You need it!!! Be sure to have the "What do I
Owe you in life discussion" with your teenager before they are leaving home for
college.
If you enjoy and find value in these blogs, then definitely feel free to contribute
to help keep the site on the air and the blogs being updated. A tip or a contribution
would be welcome. You can drop me a check or money order in the mail to